Cold hearts on heated floors

Or: What do you do, spiritually, with a psychopath roommate?

Our culture assumes people can change. Be it therapy, moral appeals, punishment, we believe in personal growth and development. Psychopaths break every assumption and belief, we have no protocol for them.

Living with a dysfunctional roommate hurt me spiritually. I fished ungodly nasty stuff out of the kitchen sink regularly, had to clean on both weekend days to have some resemblance of an intact apartment. The one time a small piece of furniture broke off when I sat, I heard about it every single day.

No matter how much warmth and patience I provided, I was forever the perpetrator and she was forever the victim. No matter what I said, my own admitted character mistakes were the only relevant talking point. Arguing was wasted time, and that’s what hurt me most.

Was I not tactful, not wise enough? Before talking to her, I meditated for half an hour. Or are some souls truly unredeemable? I couldn’t look into her eyes anymore, I saw how her lies became her truth, how she rewrote reality.

And when it is said to them, ‘Do not cause corruption on the earth,’ they say, ‘We are but reformers.’ Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive not. And when it is said to them, ‘Believe as the people have believed,’ they say, ‘Should we believe as the foolish have believed?’ Unquestionably, it is they who are the foolish, but they know not.

~ Surah Al-Baqarah

On a society level, I don’t know what to do with psychopaths.

Some hearts are sealed. Not clouded, not in need of more warmth. Sealed.

God has set a seal upon their hearts and upon their hearing, and over their vision is a veil.

~ Surah Al-Baqarah

On a personal level, I now learned what to do with sealed people. Almost always, my answer is reciprocation, with physical and spiritual grace. In cases like her, the only smart move is not to play.

Move out. Close your mind. Seal your heart to them, like theirs is sealed. Some souls are unredeemable by you. There is no advice, no words, no key you will find.

Whenever you leave what hurts you, the gain has immediately begun

~ Turkish proverb